4 days stuck..

since 24, i hadn`t done special, even for my self like a simple gift.. i avoided parties and club for a change, perhaps for a while!

i celebrated christmas together with a friend, had a little supper, cooked pasta and bought cake for two, nothing really special except that we spend time together, both had nobody around us, like we called ``family``. We watched movie, laughed out together, had drank lemonade and beers.

apparently i stayed alone, didn`t go out for 4 freaking days, i wouldn`t like to stay home like this, but the freezing cold would keep you home, aside from travelling by bus and train would probably break your notion to hang on, except limousine is glittering outside my door.. lol

i dont know what to do, yesterday was a boxing sale all over the country, still i decided to lay down on my bed, and eventually causes back pain..

i`m stuck!

physically bad and worst emotionally so hard.. i know, i shoudn`t be like this, however it is really tough.. i never had a life like this, time moves so fast, though changed likewise. Yet unfortunately, damn! what i want? i dont want to get stuck..

longing for nothing

since thursday night, i been searching for something, something that i could not figure out what..

something is missing, something that hurts so bad that everytime i remember i am grieving.. so painful that nothing could heal..

if i would have a chance to see what will happen after i would have prepare something..

so sad, i feel so bad...

starting that day i'm always up in my bed, i dont know why.. this might because i am far from my family or might because of somebody, somebody whom very special to me, however apparently had gone..